OF THE BOOK 50 SHADES OF GRAY

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Fifty Shades is a series of erotic novels by E. L. James, initially a trilogy consisting of Fifty Shades of Grey (), Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed .. of Grey as Told by Christian · Darker: Fifty Shades Darker as Told by Christian. Followed by, Fifty Shades Darker. Fifty Shades of Grey is a erotic romance novel by British author E. L. James. It became the Darker: Fifty Shades Darker as Told by Christian, published in November . The second volume, Fifty Shades Darker, was released in September ; and the third, Fifty Shades Freed. Grey by EL James. Darker Darker by EL James. Fifty Shades of Grey. Book I of the Fifty Shades Trilogy. When literature student Anastasia Steele goes to.


Of The Book 50 Shades Of Gray

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The result was the controversial and sensuous romance Fifty Shades of Grey and its two sequels, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed. In , she. Fifty Shades Of Grey. +. Fifty Shades Darker. +. Fifty Shades Freed: Book Three of the Fifty Shades Trilogy (Fifty Shades of Grey. Total price: $ Add all three. Fifty Shades of Grey is a S&M erotica novel written by British author E.L. James. It is the first installment in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy that traces the.

You know how The Office kind of got bad after Jim and Pam got together, because there was really nothing you were waiting for after that? This happens by like You're like I can't even fathom that there are two other books written about this couple.

I literally want to open the window and invite birds to eat my eyes out as punishment for downloading and reading this book. And now for a bit of tiddlybits, I'm going to share some information on storywriting that you guys might find interesting, and will help show exactly why 50 Shades has zero plot.

I went to school for film, and we had story development classes. One thing we were beaten over the head with about is something called the 7 Sentence Story. This will help for any writers that are writing their books to be cinematic or would like their novel to be considered for film purposes this is by no means a rule, but a really helpful guideline. First, you need a problem, a conflict.

A reason to tell a story. Once you have that, your plot should be able to be described in seven sentences thusly: Disney's Beauty and the Beast. First, the main conflict: The prince has been turned into a beast and has only a limited time left before he is trapped forever as one. And the seven sentence story: Belle is a smart girl who rejects the advances of Gaston, as she doesn't want to be stuck in a mundane life.

Inciting Incident: Belle's father gets lost and captured by the Beast in his castle. Plot Point 1: Belle trades her freedom for her father and is prisoner in the castle. Belle starts to experience feelings for the Beast and is complacent.

Plot Point 2: Belle's father is sick, and the Beast decides to let her go, even though he's giving up his chances of being with her. Gaston comes with an angry mob to destroy the Beast. While Beast lays dying, his love for Belle turns him back into a human and he can live with her happily ever after. Simple, right? Of course, other things happen, but no doubt you can communicate the main story with just these sentences.

Okay, so let's try 50 Shades, which, hilariously, has had its film rights bought already. Anastasia must decide whether to be with a guy who she thinks is super hot but also scares her This fascinating decision, I tell you what. Anastasia is a literary student at WSU. Anastasia meets Christian on page 7, and thinks he's hot and mysterious and also frustrating.

It is clear they both have chemistry. Plot Point 1, which is sloppy and all over the place: Also they have sex. Sorta Midpoint, but kind of squished close to Plot Point 1: Anastasia must decide whether to pledge herself to him via contract if she wants to continue seeing him. Nah, she's still deciding and whining about how he's kind of scary but continues to have sex with him throughout this whole time. There is no plot point 2.

Well there isn't really one, it's just kind of an all over the place ending She says he's too weird and ends it. What a complex, thrilling, and incredible plot full of depth. Did you even care? If you've gotten this far, nope. But guess what. I guess that's how she gets people to download the next ones because hot diggedy I can't wait to see them get back together and whine some more.

And let's talk about the sex for a moment. Nothing forbidden actually happens that you'll be like ohhhh how scandalous I want to try that. For the most part it's pretty much all basic stuff or basic toy play, because basically he's taking it easier on her since she's inexperienced.

Except for the belt part at the end, I guess, which just doesn't sound fun. And you already heard about the tampon, so like, that's not even a surprise although imo it's not a big deal anyway. Out of all the women having sex on their periods regularly, I can guarantee you there are quite a few men that are tasked with taking the tampon out and throwing it aside. I was actually more upset about the fact that she is sleeping completely naked in a hotel room bed on day two of her period.

As if that isn't going to be a mess in the morning. Okay lest I go on as long as the book, you get the point. If you want to see more, my commentary while reading it is below.

However, a few things: Don't get crazy on us, I might be too overwhelmed by this turn of events. And it was, expectedly, gross. I still stand by that statement. It's not what he's doing, it's how he's doing it.

He is deeply troubled, whiny, and manipulative, and while he does love control, it's for the wrong reasons. He was abused as a child, and sexually abused as a 15 year old and vastly denies it, and because of this he justifies his activities as personal preference when he is in fact a bit too fucked up to currently have a relationship.

She goes to visit her mother because she needs a break from him to think, and what does he do?

See a Problem?

Flies out there, using his roundabout stalker way of finding information about where she's at, like he always does, to meet up, have sex with her and take her out with him.

She's supposed to be visiting her mother and having time to think, yet he can't stay away and makes this about HIM, taking her away from time with her mom whom she hasn't seen in 6 months. I can't at this selfish fucking bastard because he just can't stay away. It makes me mad just thinking about someone that clingy. Which is another thing that pisses me off, almost everything about their whining and relationship conversations reminds me of everything I've hated about past relationships I've had.

How does anyone think that this is sexy, that this depicts something they want? I can't even. I cannot.

Now everytime I see a commercial for Gossip Girl, rage courses through my body. I'm bored. Someone get me out of here. Did you know that James recently stated she's set the bar for writing pretty high? Please, do yourself a favor and go download a book of much higher quality plot and writing, ohhhh like What in the hell just happened?

Did I really read that? Oh, my god, I did. I did read that. Meet Anastasia Steele: Ana is just a giant mess of a human being. She's insecure to the point of it being laughable, 'klutzy' even though she only trips twice in the entire book , and a complete ditz. She's a virgin of course who's never taken any sexual interest in anyone before. I'm fairly certain there hasn't been a woman this naive since 'round about At one point, she thinks putting h What in the hell just happened?

At one point, she thinks putting her hair in pigtails will keep her safe from Christian's lusty advances. Fuckin' really? She "flushes" constantly, and on several occasions referred to her hoo-hoo-naughty place as "down there.

Christian is a misogynistic, self-loathing, abusive piece of shit. Apparently, his only redeeming qualities are, in this order; his ridiculous good looks, his money, and his giant penis. The only time Ana seems to like him as a person is when he's being "lovable", and those times are few and far between. Most of the time he's serious, brooding, and threatening. How charming. I knew from the very first line this wasn't going to be good.

Your hair won't behave? My suspicions were confirmed a few pages later when Ana admits that any "sympathy" she feels for her sick friend is "unwelcome". Unwelcome, apparently because her friend is beautiful, even when she has the flu?

What a petty, jealous cunt. Once he gave up, however, I had to travel the rest of the road alone. What a painful journey it was. My first impressions of Ana were bad deservedly so. What were my first impressions of Christian? That's how I felt about Christian Grey. From the beginning.

Any time an author tries to sell me on a character's "charm" by waxing hormonal about how "ridiculously good-looking" he is, I snicker inwardly. I can't think why Anyway, after reading about the description of Christian's building hello, first penis metaphor , I had to sit through the awful dialogue between these smarmy idiots and hope beyond hope that something, anything, would distract me enough to see me through to the end.

I went back and counted, and kept track throughout the rest of the book, and do you have any idea how many fucking times Ana said "Oh my" in this monumentally bad missive? Do you? I'll tell you; 79! His playroom. His playroom? Or how about his weird-ass issues with food?

He wants the girl slim and in shape, yet he won't stop trying to force her to eat! I simply love the attempt E.

James made at giving these pathetic shells personalities. Ana wears Converse, drives a vintage car, and likes classic British lit. And Christian; we know Christian's super deep and sophisticated because he plays the piano and listens to obscure classical music.

This is how we know Edward Christian is really just a lost soul in need of love; his love of music. Everyone knows that no one threatening listens to music. Music lovers just aren't capable of doing anything bad. Psychos like music, too.

Were the sex scenes well-written? Well, none of it was particularly well-written. The sex scenes could be kind of I've had more exciting sex myself, so I guess reader response to the sex scenes is dependent on reader experience. There's nothing revolutionary here, and a lot of it is just plain unrealistic. I mean, come on, he pretty much jackhammers her hymen and she walks away with nothing more than a passing, pleasant soreness?

How about the time he gives her a handjob with a soapy washcloth? Apparently neither one of them has ever heard of a urinary tract infection.

Oh, or we could talk about her first time giving Christian a blowjob, during which Ana established herself as some kind of Queen of Deepthroat. Anyone wanna hear about the tampon scene? Oh, you've already heard about the tampon scene? Yeah, same here, although hearing about it and reading the actual scene are a bit different. For some reason, you imagine it being worse than it actually is, while at the same time, reading about it is more horrifying than you could possibly imagine.

Yeah, gross. I'm not a prude, but there are certain lines people just shouldn't cross. What makes it worse is that Christian is just thrilled that Ana's raggin' because he hates using condoms.

Apparently, Mr. GinormoDick doesn't know that a woman can get pregnant while on her period. Which is hilarious considering all the teaching and training he's doing to remedy Ana's sexual ignorance. Sexual dependence, thy name is Anastasia Steele. We're supposed to believe that this girl has gone 21 years neither having had sex nor masturbating? Well, Christian's supposed sexual prowess makes a bit more sense now, as does Ana's assertion that he has a giant bologna wand.

She has absolutely zero experience, and she's never once had anything "in there ". Thing could be the size of a baby carrot and she'd still be like, "Oh, my glob!

How is it ever going to fit?! It's ridiculous. Come to think of it, Christian's obsession with her eating habits makes a bit more sense now.

She was probably beginning to look like something out of a horror movie. Seriously, though, are we going to take the word of a girl who is apparently so undersexed she's never even masturbated? I guess I can sort of understand this obsession with some kind of an awakening, but She has absolutely nothing with which to compare, not even her own damn hand!

Now I'll be totally honest, the biggest issue I have with Fifty Shades of Shit is neither the sex nor the horrible writing. It's the plot. Thin as it is, it's still there, its core message being that, given enough time, you can change someone. While I don't have any problem with this if all you're trying to do is help them to lose weight or quit smoking, when you're talking about an emotionally and dangerously close to physically abusive relationship, sending that kind of message is ridiculous and irresponsible.

Christian is controlling, possessive, condescending, and cruel. He doesn't allow Ana to behave as she normally would, and Ana just puts up with it, insistent that if she can give him what he wants, when he wants, as often as he wants, she can eventually begin to pull his strings.

Will it work? In the books, probably. In real life? Almost never. How many misguided women are going to waste their lives on some emotionally retarded prick because they've read shit like this and think this kind of fucked-up fairytale will come true for them? I've known women with this mentality. He may be hot, he may have a huge dick, he may even be rich, that doesn't make him a good person. It doesn't even make him a potentially good person. Look, I can make my words Staccato like Christian.

Now hold still while I choke you until you pass out Potential rape is downplayed. Ana's friend, Jake Jose, starts pushing himself on her rather vehemently when they're both drunk. Ana repeatedly says no, but Jose just keeps trying to go in for the kill. Admiral Chaps busts on up with his riding crop, however, and saves her. Ana understandably avoids Jose for a while after that, and when her other friend asks her why, all Ana says is, "He made a pass at me.

Christian tells Ana that he gets off on having complete and total control over another person. This is not just in the bedroom, but in Ana's overall life. On several occasions, he fails to yield when Ana says no, plunging on regardless, assured she'll like whatever he does, anyway, so why bother stopping?

And there are women out there who think this is romantic. I wish you the best of luck, ladies. Just keep in mind that while you're fantasizing about abusive, misogynistic assholes like Grey, there are a lot of women dealing with the horrors of actually living with men like him. For all you ladies bustin' out your toys while daydreaming about Hunky Mr. Grey, I want you to do something for me.

It'll only take a moment. Close your eyes. Think about all the things Christian Grey does in the book. Not just those supposed sweet things, but really, everything. His condescension, his control, his insane jealousy, his threats Still turned on? The end of the book was absolutely hilarious, with Ana fleeing in emotional tumult because Christian can't give her what she needs love! And we're treated to her alternately being angry about the pain and humiliation she faced at Christian's hands, and chastising herself for being a failure and for being mean to Christian.

It really is classic abuse mentality. Yet I see her being touted by some as "strong and independent". It's this kind of ignorant trash that sets feminism back decades. This is not a book about BDSM, this is a book about one sick, abusive man and his obsession with a young, naive invertebrate.

It's a book about a girl who has absolutely no sense of self, who sacrifices any pretense of individuality in order to hold onto a man who doesn't even show her the faintest glimmer of respect. It's about two attention-starved individuals with the emotional maturity of toilet paper convincing themselves that their relationship is 'like, the best thing ever, OMG'.

Why women love Fifty Shades of Grey

It's trite, insulting, and dangerous. I fear for any impressionable young women who read this and think that this is how an ideal relationship should operate. If nothing else, it should be issued as a guidebook to mothers around the world to show their daughters the kind of man to avoid at all costs.

This book does good men and indeed, all of humanity a disservice. They're thinking of turning it into a movie I can't Word Count: Aman Dhindsa Gosh girl!

I totally agree on your perceptive! May 24, Oct 18, Steph Sinclair rated it did not like it Recommends it for: Absolutely no one. Now with whips and chains! Fifty Shades of Shit Haters, please exit stage left. I'm not sure what possessed me to pick up Fifty Shades of Grey. I thought I might genuinely like it before I started, but all I was left with was one hell of a mindfuck. Whatever it was that brought on this knee jerk download seems to have mercifully left me with enough common sense to say I will not be continuing on with this series.

Recently I discovered one of my favorite publishers, Random House, has picked up Fifty Shades of Grey and made this statement: Fifty Shades of Grey and Master of the Universe the original fan fic are essentially the same thing. The biggest difference being Edward and Bella's name being replaced with Christian and Anastasia respectively. And I would know this because I have both and while I was reading, I would occasionally switch back and forth between the two without difficulty.

I'd go through and give you examples myself, but other people have done it already here and here. So if you must read this book, do yourself a solid and find the fan fic online. You even get the second book too! I know some people claim this has no similarities to Twilight and got dammit, I'm allergic to all the bull shit.

Do I really need to point this all out? Because it looks pretty obvious to me. The mannerisms of the characters are exactly the same. They even say similar things the original characters say. The whole "dazzle" line and Edward asking Bella to trust him. Her mother being remarried with the same inability to maneuver her way around a kitchen. Bella is still trying to save Edward from himself due to his troubled past. Edward still stalks and controls Bella, only now he gets to hit her when she gets out of line.

I struggled to come up with a proper review for this book and couldn't figure out why I was feeling rather uninspired to write one. And then I figured it out. I was left so disgusted by this book that I wanted to purge the memory of its existence from my mind. With a rusty nail. Every time I thought of the book my brain cells would go on strike, yelling obscenities at me. Anyway, I thought Bella and Edward's relationship couldn't get anymore fucked up than Twilight.

I stand corrected. If I were to describe FSoG in one sentence it would be this: Fifty Shades of Grey is like Twilight on steroids, high on ecstasy, in a dirty little corner. A very dirty corner. With badly written sex. Fifty Shades of Grey tells the story of the beautiful but of course she doesn't know it , naive virgin, Anastasia Steal after she is suckered into interviewing the Greek god, Christian Grey.

Of course, sparks fly and for some unknown reason he can't seem to stay away from this incredibly, unremarkable girl. There are a myriad of problems with this novel, many of which ironically can be found in Twilight. Never saw that one coming! However, Ana doesn't see it that way. She thinks of him as a broken person and it's her duty to fix him. Even when he says things like this: But not beyond anything you couldn't take.

And please don't even bother to tell me that it's just BDSM. No, just fucking no. Ana is genuinely afraid of Christian and is never entirely comfortable with the "punishment" aspect of their relationship. But Christian just manipulates her with sex to continue the relationship. And that's what really gets me. I just have a hard time believing a virgin would somehow become a sex goddess overnight, because that is exactly what happens.

When she first is introduced to his kinky lifestyle and tells him she is a virgin he immediately tells her he needs to handle that "situation" before they could continue. Since when is your virginity a "situation? Oh, no, because that is when we are introduced to Ana's two best friends.

Everyone say hi to: Anna's inner goddess, who always cheers her on when Christian wants sex or wants to punish her. She's also quite annoying, doing back flips at the mention of anything sexual related. Simmer down. Where did she come from exactly? Ana is in her twenties and has never felt the urge to have sex with anyone until Christian comes along with his whips and chains?! Ana's sub-conscious, who hides behind couches when it comes time for her beating.

When it comes to Ana having sex with Christian, well, her sub-conscious only has one thing to say, So after the "situation" is handled, Ana has to sign a "contract" agreeing to his sexual demands and also outlining things she won't do. It was pretty pointless considering he still got what he wanted and she never signed the damn thing.

He exploits her, stalks her and abuses her! She cries after sex. She is afraid of him being angry! Even when he is angry at something else, she thinks it's her. Her reasoning for allowing him to hit her as his therapy is because she's afraid to lose him. That is not a reason for agreeing to a BDSM lifestyle! In fact, that's not even really "consent! His brow furrows, his eyes widening. He blinks twice. Not here. Not now. Please don't. No, excuse me. That's not right. Yes, the caps were totally necessary because that was the most disgusting thing I have ever had the misfortune of reading.

That is not sexy, that's foul. Whenever Ana thinks about leaving him, he comes over to her apartment unannounced pounds into her literally and her inner goddess does a fucking happy dance, forgetting her urge to kick his sick ass to the curb. They fight, they breakup. They kiss, they sex up. Dance, puppet. The writing is a shitty mess too. I mean, if I had to sit and read Ana saying "Holy, shit! I wanted to take my red pen and have at this "book" so badly.

It was the little things like Ana's roommate saying over and over, "You never cry Ana," and what do we find Ana always doing? I'm not sure where the hell the plot was. Didn't I mention this was a Twilight retelling? Why was I expecting a plot? And another example of poor writing: They used phrases that Americans don't use.

And now I'm trying to figure out why this book is so popular. Why do so many women love this book? I get the appeal of the bondage even though it's not my usual cup of tea. Sounds exciting! Not so much. Fuck my life! Zero stars! Eh, I'm off to read a good book now and possibly to bleach my brain. More reviews at Cuddlebuggery Book Blog. Jan 28, Kruti rated it did not like it Recommends it for: No one. In the words of Miss Steele, "You need to sort your shit out, Grey! I honestly do NOT feel like revisiting this book and writing a review.

However, this book is so bad that I feel the need to warn others from this drivel. Luckily, I did not download this garbage. I do not even know what overcame me to read it and I can only blame a momentary lack of judgment on my part. What baffles me is the scary fangirlgasm following this book. Doing some research, this book was originally posted online as a twilight fanfic! Yes, a twilight fanfic.

And dubbing it a twilight fanfic and promoting it as such is no doubt raising the bar on the sale figures. What has the world come to? Everything you could possibly imagine is wrong with this book! The execution and the characters. And the writing. And the plot wait, was there one?!?

And it is arguably the most anti-feminist portrayal of any relationship. FSoG simply continues this unhealthy view and promotes an even more abusive and degrading relationship towards women, targeting older women and possibly even teenage girls who know no better.

Oh dear god, I hope teenage girls do not jump on this disturbing bandwagon. This is not something that should be promoted as desirable or idealistic. This book cheapens what feminists have fought for years! The two spend the rest of the romantic evening calmly discussing the contract that allows him to fuck her senseless.

The next 4 days, he gets to do exactly what he wants, he stalks her, abuses her and punishes her by spanking her several times. Atleast, she finally sees some sense and walks out. It reads more like a diary — he did this, I did this. The constant repetitions are enough to make someone suicidal! The sex scenes were terrible and frankly a little disturbing to put down on paper — an incident with the tampon springs to mind.

The characters are simply absurd in this book. AnaBella SteeleSwan Anastasia Steele irked me quite a lot and reading this book from her point of view was no picnic in the park.

I found nothing remotely interesting about her. I swear Kate was a much more interesting character and would have made a better female lead, but like the other few characters she was mentioned only for the sake of a story. A real shame. Christian Grey…where do I begin? Kruti Subject: Your issues Date: April 18 And frankly, you are in need of much help. Perhaps, I can direct you to the nearest mental hospital? Or better yet, accompany you to the nearest police station? It's the least I can do.

In response to your email, I think you have that the wrong way around, sir. Laters, baby. Kruti On Apr 18, at That does not give him the right to exert control over her and abuse her. Hell NO! That's not BDSM. Okay children, let's explore the definition of BDSM: Don't tell me we have two consenting adults here. No, Ana is just a child trapped in a woman's body.

She has no true idea of what this lifestyle entails and is at most times in fear. If you're still not convinced about how unhealthy this relationship was, this probably will convince you. To ensure he gets her to do what he wants, he manipulates her with promises of a relationship if she is willing to try his way of lifestyle. So in her mind, his need to control her and beat her is a form of therapy? That's not BDSM either. I have absolutely nothing more to add. I'm taking my inner goddess elsewhere and grabbing a good book.

Honestly this is what I imagined Christian to be like. If you have a facebook account, you should definitely visit this link. Absolutely horrifying, utter trash. A waste of trees, bookshelf space and precious, oh so very fucking precious braincells.

Honestly, why is this even published? Every single book store in Sydney is promoting this tripe, claiming it to be some kind of awesome romance novel. Are you absolutely shitting me? There is nothing romantic at all about this 'book'. In fact, that's what this book sh Garbage. In fact, that's what this book should be called. I know at least every one star reviewer has taken the title and created their own pun with it, but fuck it, I'm jumping on the bandwagon too.

Before I decided to read this God help me , I kept seeing it everywhere I went, and the book store where I work was involved in the promotion among other book store chains.

All me and my co-workers knew that it was smut, and a hell of a lot of it too. We even turned the book into a drinking game, and it goes as thus: Flip to a random page of the book. If it's something dirty, take a drink. I do not recommend this game, for one could die from alcohol poisoning within the first round. But if you're feeling adventurous Glad I could be of service to your crazy party ideas.

But anyway, let's cut to my opinion of this abomination of literature. I decided to read it because it sounded like garbage, and I haven't written a review about garbage in too long.

I owed something to the people who actually found me worthwhile to follow on Goodreads. So I decided hell, I'll review this. This is literally the worst book I have ever read, and I say that about many books. But this is the worst book for a damn good reason.

Let's talk about what I hated about this book. The bottom line is I hated absolutely everything. And I'm not saying that to be funny, I'm saying that out of all seriousness. I didn't find a single redeeming quality in this book. With the Hush, hush series we at least had the unintentional hilarity and the awesomeness of Marcie. In Twilight we had that chick who wanted to kill Bella and Tyler's van.

Fifty shades of Grey has no such redeeming qualities. The characters are bland and merely props to set the stage for fucking weird BDSM-ing, and the plot was lost somewhere in the vagina of the author's wet dream. Believe me, I feel weird for even typing these words. Not to mention, even though everyone already knows this, this was originally a Twilight fan fiction called 'Master of the universe' or some shitty, stupid title like that.

How did such a thing get published? What, Twilight wasn't horrible and abuse-glorifying enough, so we had to kick it up a notch with publishing 'Master of the universe'?

Are you people serious? Why is it that dumber and dumber things are getting published? Quality is almost non-existent. Fucking hell.

But before I rant on for hours about that, let's talk about the characters. Oh, I mean props. Yeah, props is more appropriate. Because the characters, for all the personality they had may as well have been props.

Our first main prop is Ana, aka Bella Swan. The plain, virginal wallflower who thinks lowly of herself whilst everyone around her just seems to freaking worship her.

She is also clumsy, reads books, has divorced parents, doesn't get along with her step-father, and is a brain dead moronic twat. Remind you of anyone? I wonder who you're thinking of. That is a humdinger, isn't it? I'm amazed how many women are not pissed off with her complete lack of sense and self-respect.

She lets a man abuse her physically and emotionally, and allows him to satiate his ever-growing need to control her completely, passing it off as some cute obsessive habit.

And even if she has doubts and runs away, she comes running back to him only seconds after. How are people not pissed off about this? Not to mention she has zero personality, zero brain-cells, and zero common sense. Her character serves no purpose other than becoming some abusive asshole's sex toy. And let's not forget our second main prop, Christian Grey, aka Edward Cullen, aka creepy-stalker-sociopathic-megalomaniacal-abusive-horrifying-asshole.

The fact that he has fangirls in the real world has pretty much ruined my faith in mankind, and the new generation.

Christian Gray pretty much pushes the limits that Edward Cullen, Patch, Daniel and others have yet to push due to their PG ratings, but fuck does Christian Grey push those fucking limits. He physically abuses Ana, and it somehow gets excused on the account that she was briefly aroused by it. Fuck my life. He also decides what she should eat, what she should wear, how she should act, speak, communicate with him, where she can and can't go or what she can and can't do, threatens her constantly even with physical violence, and the list goes on.

I kid you not. He even has this set out as a contract which by the way is repeated at least 5 times in the fucking book. Here's another example of how romantic this mother fucker is: I want you to behave in a particular way, and if you don't, I shall punish you, and you will learn to behave the way I desire. Romantic as freaking Mel Gibson. And by the way, the women who find this guy romantic need some serious therapy. Harsh I know, but finding this guy romantic is like like excusing the actions of a child-molester because he has nice hair.

This is not romantic. I don't know why they decided to plant this book in the general romance section. This goes way beyond the good ol' BDSM theme and just ends up treading into abusive territory. Christian takes these aspects into the relationship where he ends up not only controlling a woman sexually, but also emotionally, and deliberately moulding her into not just a sex partner, but an ideal of what he wants her to be and leaves her no room for her individuality and instead brands it as 'punishable'.

That's not part of the BDSM jig. I'm sorry, but it's not. Why people even call this romantic is beyond me. I already mentioned the abusive aspects of this so called relationship, but other than that it was a relationship built on air. Since neither of the characters had any personality outside their sex drives, they had nothing that they saw in each other. They couldn't relate to each other, they didn't share any common interests, they didn't do any good for each other, outside the sexy stuff.

And at the end they want to pass it off as though the two are actually in love? Give me a break. Watching people get swooped at by magpies is more romantic that this garbage. The plot? There was no plot. Seriously, I could not find it.

I searched and searched but alas, my search has left me unrewarded. Let me explain in a quick paragraph how this book goes: Some guy is hot. Girl thinks some guy is hot.

Hot some-guy shows up where girl who thinks some-guy is hot works. Hot some-guy asks out girl, takes her virginity. Stuff happens. Hot some-guy introduces girl who thinks he's hot, by the way to his BDSM sex dungeon, and the next half of the book is spent pondering whether or not girl who thinks some-guy is hot, in case it wasn't mentioned enough in the book wants to indulge in hot some-guy's fantasies.

Also the hot some-guy takes complete control over girl did I mention she thinks he's hot? More stuff happens. Girl gets spanked too hard, breaks up with hot some-guy. The end.

That's the whole book. And the whole 'Ohhh Christian has secrets' bullcrap in the blurb? The book is only about how some asshole wants to control some stupid girl. The other characters are barely relevant. They were just more props whose only role was to be interested in the 'relationship' between Ana and Christian.

They didn't seem to be interested in anything else. They could be buttering toast and thinking 'I wonder how hard Christian is fucking Ana right now. The media might be promoting this tripe as the new hero of literature, but this is and always will be just another wart on the ass of literature, along with Twilight and all its' descendants. You know what they say, you can polish a turd, but it will still be a turd. Head's up: If any of you fuckers comment at the bottom of this review and say, "You don't understand BDSM" I will hunt you down and make you eat your computer, plus the mouse, plus the keyboard, plus any other internet-connected devices in your home, including but not limited to iPhones, iPods, iPads, Androids, games consoles and ereaders.

This book is not an accurate or healthy portrayal of a real BDSM relationship between two consensual and enthusiastic parties. Thus, by defending it as such, Head's up: Thus, by defending it as such, you are doing a disservice to the actual culture of BDSM no kinkshaming.

So don't fuck with me and try to pull that shit. Oh, also, there will be a substantial amount of cussing throughout this review. If you care about the sanctity of your virgin eyes then shut down your computer and go do something else.

We are all grown-ass adults and this is the internet. If you're going to come over and here and lecture me about swearing then I'd advise that you PIPE the fuck down and stop being so bloody delicate.

Alrighty, then. You guessed it, guys: When I was thirteen, I decided I wanted to be an author. For years I'd chattered away about being an architect or a vet or what have you, but who was I kidding? All I ever wanted to do was write. So I sat down, and I did. I did write. I'm actually not shitting you. I thought it would be as easy as sitting down and writing some crap on Wordpad alright, calm down, this was the noughties and I wrote a lot of crap: I tried to write a play , and then I tried poetry, and then I wrote short stories, before eventually expanding into novels.

Novels is a stretch. I wrote about a hundred single-spaced pages and to my present-day horror, made my family read it. And they actually did. Remember all those embarrassingly awful school projects you did when you were thirteen? Or even just those embarrassingly awful things you did in general when you were thirteen? I feel the same level of shame when I think of my little preteen self, handing this pile of shit over to my sister and thinking I actually had something.

About a year later, with zero knowledge of how publishing works, I posted it straight into a bunch of indie publisher's slushpiles. A vanity publisher replied to me and told me they didn't want my work, and I did the undoable: I argued with them. As I write this, I'm practically convulsing with embarrassment. Vanity Publisher, if you're reading this, please forget I ever existed. It's the fastest selling adult novel of all time. By which they mean "it's the fastest-selling novel of all time that isn't Harry Potter".

But its content is, of course, rather adult. The trilogy features Anastasia Steele, who falls in love with Christian Grey, a troubled young billionaire who likes sex only if he can accompany it with quite formal, stylised corporal punishment.

The narrative drivers are pretty slack — improbable dialogue "I'm a very wealthy man, Miss Steele, and I have expensive and absorbing hobbies" ; lame characterisation; irritating tics a constant war between Steele's "subconscious", which is always fainting or putting on half-moon glasses, and her "inner goddess", who is forever pouting and stamping ; and an internal monologue that goes like this … "Holy hell, he's hot!

Is it his looks? His civility? Civility puts me in a blue funk too. In normal circumstances, it would be lazy, but here, it is more like a shorthand. James writes as though she's late for a meeting with a sex scene. Here, her voice is quite different: Steele just wants a regular boyfriend or does she? Yik yak yik yak. This is Fifty Shades of Grey I'm talking about. We'll come to Fifty Shades Darker later.

I've been infected by James's ominous, staccato delivery. After 1, pages of the stuff, you will too. I'm doing it again. I can't help it.

There is a little light spanking in Jilly Cooper Octavia , Rivals , and the romance genre as distinct from chicklit would be many pages lighter if nobody ever got tied to a bed with a scarf, but this is in a different league. Its popularity has come as a bit of a surprise to publishers, who thought they knew what women wanted.

It must be a bit like being married to someone for 20 years, and suddenly finding out they like fisting. People who like to trace all new trends back to new technology have offered this explanation — that women who wouldn't be seen dead reading smut on the tube could read it on their site, and this launched a whole world of sales.

The unexpected element is that the shame of erotic fiction is largely in the imagination, and once people had read it, they felt happy to discuss it openly. It was word of mouth that launched the paperback version on the back of the ebook. Where do you stand on erotica in public spaces? Someone in a tube carriage last week with three people reading the paperback and God knows how many reading it on their sites tweeted, "isn't it a bit early for that sort of thing?

After lunch? When the sun goes down? It seemed a bit random, yet I can see why he'd query the wisdom of summoning a sustained erotic vignette on one's way into work. But what do I know? I work at home. Maybe people do that all the time. Consider, furthermore, the way high culture and low culture have collided. Because erotica is niche to start with, this revolution took longer to reach it, and only now have we loosened up a bit. No, there is more to it than that.

First, the reason sex scenes are so difficult to write is the gear change, rather than the sex itself. It is extremely difficult to write a regular story spliced with sex, just as it would be difficult to tell a story interspersed with explicit sexual detail.The Fifty Shades trilogy was developed from a Twilight fan fiction series originally titled Master of the Universe and published episodically on fan-fiction websites under the pen name "Snowqueen's Icedragon".

However, critical reactions were generally negative. Fantastic secondary characters. Even though its counterintuitive, I can't help but feel that their relationship is one of the most beautiful, complex, and emotional ones I've read in the romance genre.

'Fifty Shades of Grey' to 'The Mister': E.L. James' new book has tamer sex, social awareness

His civility? I did not skip anything, I did not skim, I read every word. James writes as though she's late for a meeting with a sex scene. Anyway, I thought Bella and Edward's relationship couldn't get anymore fucked up than Twilight. The New Zealand Herald.